kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Randomize
