i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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