I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I wear drunk well.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
