I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
