I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
