so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
