I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Everclear isn't food dammit
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
