Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
