saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You may now shotgun with the bride
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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