She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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