And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
