I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
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He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
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what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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