I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
