Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
