I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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