I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
