took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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