The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
