she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
