And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
