you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
