Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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