wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
