Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
