guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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