When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Randomize
