i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
