So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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