this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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