if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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