I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
