ya dads aren't the best wingmen
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
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You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
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He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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