there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
