Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
it was like eating out sand paper
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
