i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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