When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Randomize
