Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
After tacos, we're chasing women.
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