i jhust puked up my retainher.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
