I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
