Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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