Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
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You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
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This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
my poor anus
It's rum buckets o'clock
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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