can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I am puke
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
