yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
