WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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