dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
