literally had 100 drinks last night.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
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im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
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She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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