I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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