I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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