No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
