I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
