also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
We had to coat check the pizza.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
