I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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