Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
