I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
