I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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