So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
