I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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