Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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