why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
