why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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