So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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