8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
