My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
