seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
