dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
