Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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