Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
