He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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